I just came back Tawau from my national service, it was 30th of July that day, I remember telling my friends that I want more holidays and I really got it that night. 12.30am, when we were on our way to andrew's house, we had an accident. At that moment, everything slowed down in front of me, no sound, it was silent and there was only this loud beeping sound. The only thing that came into my mind in that process was her. Not my parents, not my life, not any other people, it was her. She smiled at me and everything was calm at that moment. Next thing I woke up hearing my friends shouting at me asking me to climb out of the car. When I tried to move, I didn't notice that my arm was being crushed by the car on the side of the door, I shoutted back at them and said that my arm's stuck, I paniced.At first there were only few of them to push the car, the car fell back and at that time I heard the crushing sound of my bone, tears came out and emotion kicked in, I started tearing the door pieces apart, in my head, I heard her voice telling me not to give up and she said she will wait for me. And I was calm again, the pain just went away. I prayed to God for safety and please save me from this misery. When they got me out of the car, I was sent to the hospital immediately. After my X-ray came out, the doctor wouldn't show me. Then I saw the disappointment on my dad's face, and at that moment I know it's something serious, turns out that my humerus seems to shattered into pieces. I checked in the ward at 2.30am, my mom asked me what should she bring for me the next day, I only ask for 1 thing, bring my ex gf here, I wanted to see her. My mom's face is just full of questions, and she told me to be serious and tell her what to bring. I ignored her and asked my cousin to phone my friend and said I wanted to see her, he said he will try his best. when they all left me, I couldn't sleep that night, the image of that accident was a nightmare, my head was pounding. The next day, I was so excited to see her, I waited and waited for her to come. When I saw my friends walked in, she wasn't there with them........ I was so upset but I just gave myself excuses that she might be busy whatsoever.. They told her dad doesnt allow her to come, but I dont blame her for that. the 2nd day, one of my came to visit me, I asked him if she's coming to see me or not, he took out his ohine and showed me the msgs, my heart shattered to pieces, my spirit was torned apart.. I told them to leave cause I was too upset about it but I didn't want them to know, I told them I was tired and I wanted to sleep. The whole night I was awake thinking about it.. Is it really true during a near death experience, you will see the person you truly love? I don't know.. It was so painful to think about it.. and tears started rolling down my cheeks..Not even a msg from her, nothing.. I don't really care if you don't love me anymore, but is it really necessary? I don't know.. Your like a question without answers.. and I've been thinking, what hurts more, the condition of my arm, or you...

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I crawled through another year,
nothing but anger and tears,
been wondering all this time,
will you always be mine.

Maybe it doesn't matter to you anymore,
but this is the moment and time that I adore,
the day We've 1st started, the day I found happiness,
in life,
but now left sadness,
sliced in half with a knife.

O 21st July,
all I wanted to say,
note this ain't no lie,
loved you willingly,
Happy Anniversary... :(